ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am one with the molecules
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
