Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well you can't waste a boner
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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