i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i came on her dog
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
