Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
