I wish I only lived at night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
