and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
