well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
