i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
