I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
