I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i out mim tonsoeep
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