if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He has the fingertips of a God
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
