I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
