Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
