I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
