2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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