we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she peed on how many people?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
