Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
