i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
