PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
