So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
