I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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