so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
