i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
