There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
