You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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