i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
