I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
