I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
