Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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