He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
