I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
