oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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