why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
