You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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