i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I will die if light touches me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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