i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
