Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
