She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
