If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
