I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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