From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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