If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
