Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
