Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
