dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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