I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
no, he came in my armpit
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
