she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
