My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
