I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
