you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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