There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
